about a guy whos banned from heaven seeking vengence on god(only a peice of full version not yet completed)
i swear to tear heaven asunder
though it may cost me my life
banished for eternal
from the palace of holy light
dark wings have torn the sky apart
and now its bleeding red
my vengence is a hunger
longing to be fed
his end will be a masterpeice
angels awaiting death
brutality, just like a beast
so magnificent
.......................
light all the torches
show me the way
srouded in darkess
an endless maze
things become clearer
theres no escape
banish the reaper
from wence he came
the light moves nearer but still so far away
i must accept my death to live another day
my sword - is stained
as i slit the reapers vains
my soul - is broken
as my final words are spoken
im bleedin
the treason (let me in)
Finding the cure
open the entrance
like flames- i burn
for the life i once had earned
my mind is taken
but my life has been mistaken
a burdin
to vanquish(make it die)
this struggle must end *symbol hiss*
LETS FINISH THIS
why did it have to end like this
lips together in a six foot ditch
but the sight that brought to my heart death
was looking at you with a bullet inside your chest
tears fall from my frozen face
slow but still - so much pain
the warmth of your presence is giving me life
but the blood on my hands is haunting my mind
hypnotized by fire
ive cut my own thread of life
staring up at the clouds of heaven
watching you cry
masscare stains in the clouds
staring at your endless heartache
waiting for a chance to breath
so i may simply call your name
ill use my hellgiven wings to fly
out of these chains of torment
to the heavens so i may find
a way to hold you one last time
*chorus*
were dead now but thats easy to see
together forever just you and me
wee'll fly now its so divine
your love tastes greater than the finest wine
....................................................
pleez comment
Joined: 23 Dec 2007 United States Lessons: 1 Karma: 45 Moderator
@JO5H,
gotta love that murder/suicide song "a beautiful song". You have a vivid imagination and pretty good skills at lyric writing! keep it up and put some notes to these beauties.
Phip
Joined: 21 Aug 2008 United Kingdom Licks: 2 Karma: 19
I think there's a Finnish metal band called Finntroll. Here's a vid to help you get what Jazz meant.
lol I only know them because I have a rather eccentric friend who's into this sort of thing. It's better having to listen to bits of Finntroll then the better known Lady Gaga I suppose! :P
Anyway Jo5H, I love your lyrics. They really do work, they do make me feel angry! They all have sort of a grudge metal feeling going on I think. I have no suggestions! They are great, well done you're good at writing for that sort of thing clearly. I feel mad now! I don't even allow myself to listen to angry songs because, well, I get angry. VERY angry. :P
Joined: 01 Oct 2008 United States Licks: 1 Karma: 18
Awsome job on the lyrics. I love the line in the last one, "Why did it have to end like this? Lips together in a six foot ditch" lol. That one was awsome.
Joined: 29 Apr 2009 United States Lessons: 2 Karma: 23
carlsnow says:
carlsnow says:
then the lyrics, by the/your same 'logic', would also "sound amazing"
J05H says:
WAT ? D:
...that means i think you are a braggart in the making.
but yer young - you'll learn :
I did read a the lyrics two or three times and IMO you show great promise, lyrically.
It was THIS :
J05H says:
check out my licks
i wrote them
they sound amazing
that made me wince.
a few words of advice (really, not meant in a mean way) :
--- don't brag/boast about yourself, let others do that for you.
I'll use myself(instead of Phip , lol) as an 'example' of why this behavior will only impede your growth as a musician/writer.
no-one will take you seriously if you are the only one singing your praises, Dig? There are some folks , like me (and .. and..) who have been playing for TWO of your lifetimes (or more).
and we are, as it is, here to help you.
I/we feel far less inclined to give opinion/advice to a kid who seems to already think he is great or that his licks already sound "amazing".
no hard feelings Josh; just a bit of advice from an old man, thats all.
Joined: 23 Dec 2007 United States Lessons: 1 Karma: 45 Moderator
ahhh let me get this out while the alzheimers is in remission! LOL
@ Carl, Well said! Enthusiasm is good. Self promotion is ok too if you can back it up. Bragging is an invitation for someone better to take you down a few pegs and it inevitably happens because there is always someone out there better.
@ Jo5h,
keep playing, keep practicing, keep working at your music, put it out there and let the rest of the world decide how good it is. Stay humble. Anyway, Carl said it best.
consider some other fine lyrics........
You walked into the party
Like you were walking onto a yacht
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was apricot
You had one eye in the mirror
As you watched yourself go by
And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner
They'd be your partner, and
You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you?
Joined: 29 Apr 2009 United States Lessons: 2 Karma: 23
---slight derail
@Phipster
(great post ...but wanna ask something else)
did Carley EVER finally say whether that was about Taylor or ..erg(alzheimers)'the other guy'(dammit whats his name???)
please continue, and pardon the interruption; there were "clouds in my coffee, clouds in my coffee and..."
Joined: 29 Apr 2009 United States Lessons: 2 Karma: 23
J05H says:
got it
cool! and, while trying not to sound like an a$$hole use it! =)
@ThatOldenFartePhip
i know *(Simon tune) .. its driven me nuts since, well, since she put the damn thing out LOL
@JO5h .....again, lol
just realized ... check out the song, 'You're So Vain' that (we're only dealing w/ the *subject part o' lyric) old Phip and i have been talking about; ...damn fine lyric there!
(*Carley has basically, finally, given a sorta 2-man choice re:the subject of 'You're So Vain')
@Josh again-again
looked over all yer lyrics again ..
my constructive-criticism/advice =
-don't post anything incomplete(unless yer askin' fer help w/ it)
-try branching-out a bit, thematically
...as it is,(all IMO) you've show excellent developement of 'theme', 'character' and 'happenstance' i just advise some branching out (but not at all ceasing these posted verses from flowin)
in the/your lyrical output I've witnessed so far. you should feel good about that, you really seem to have a genuine knack (gem in rough , if ya will)of effortlessly twisting the lexicon .. impressive as a full bottle of scotch in my 'pantry'.
in other words, without sounding stupid/or caring if i do :
your BASIC writing, lyrically, is refreshingly phrased, and rare , especially coming from a 15 yr old Pen !
and stick with it i shall i think maybe this is because i think with an english accent and i read cradle of filth lyrics and the dictionary in my spare time
Joined: 23 Dec 2007 United States Lessons: 1 Karma: 45 Moderator
@Jo5h, you are going to crack up when I explain! Open palm to the forhead. Pen.....the thing you write with, sorta like a pencil but with ink.
What he meant is the lyrics were particularly good coming from a 15 yr old.
now repeat after me.....DUH!
LOL
Phip
"the other old guy"
