Its been quite awhile since I've posted lyrics, so here's a bunch of songs Ive been working on
--- Untitled 1:
"I see the leaves dancing on the ground in the fall
And growing on the branches in the spring
I know the same will be with my heart
Oh I can't wait to see this tree grows tall
Ohh oh Ohh oh oh Ohh oh oh oh
They always told me that home is where the heart is
Well my home is packing up and leaving town
I've always known that no matter where it started
That one day all of this would go wrong
Ohh oh Ohh oh oh Ohh oh oh oh"
--- Judas:
"So take this shovel from my hand
and this axe from my head
and catch these crimson doves
before they stain the sand
I never knew that I was running
Until I was far away
From that cottage in the mountains
Where you and I were safe
I never meant to be a traitor
Always thought I'd stick around
Now I don't know if I should stay here
Feel like I'm always losing ground
I sold out my saviour
For 30 pieces of silver
Like the captain in a shipwreck
Tie a rope around my neck"
--- Crashing:
"Now that you've gone away
There's nothing holding me here
and I don't know if I can make it in the world
I just hope I can find you there
Whoa oh oh oh
I saw you sailing away
Slowly drifting from the shore
Crashing against the waves
I'll watch the horizon till I can't see you anymore
Whoa oh oh oh"
--- Untitled 2:
"You're the needle that pricks a balloon filled with water
And it rains down on me
till I get hypothermia
I guess that life is a game
not one to the finish line
but to see who you can hurt
without feeling the pain
Now this sickness dwells in me
And I can't get any sleep
Love is just a disease
Not one you can really cure
There's no pill that can treat
what was meant to be pure
I know now that its a lie
That the grass is greener on the other side
So you can sit on the fence all you want
but if you fall and break your neck
There won't be anyone there for you kid
When you confuse love with sex" (not sure about this line)
I just noticed that none of these songs have chorus's. interesting
Joined: 01 Oct 2008 United States Licks: 1 Karma: 18
Very good lyrics dude, I really like Untitled 2. Maybe for the last line, instead of having it be as blunt as just "sex", be "When you confuse love with lust as a mutual respect". Just throwing ideas off, I'm not sure if that'll work with how you envisioned the song playing out or not. You definitely have a talent for lyrics though.
They always told me that home is where the heart is
Well my home is packing up and leaving town
I've always known that no matter where it started
That one day all of this would go wrong
Joined: 21 Aug 2008 United Kingdom Licks: 2 Karma: 19
BBT, these are great! These songs sound really deep, which of course, is awesome.
The verse beginning ‘I never meant to be a traitor...’Is my favourite of all. Not just because it's razor deep but also ‘cause those comparisons you made really make the listener stop and think about the lyrics which makes you feel the emotion properly. I think you should keep stuff like that up!
Some song's I don't think are always made to have choruses personally. I mean you could, if you think it'd make the songs catchier or if there's something pumping in your mind like clockwork to go in. But I think you really shouldn't strain to get a chorus for the 1st one. It's already long and looks good enough to pull off doing without. I find songs with shorter verses are ALWAYS chorus material whereas long verse songs don’t often need it.
The 2nd also amazing but short. It could do with a chorus. Maybe something beginning “You heard me talk about my want/You expressed false desire for this feeling, a feeling that’s unknown to you, you don’t know love all you know is...” just an idea – might not be your thing which is fine. For the last line I think the whole song's too deep to end with something as plain & straight-forward as sex. I like Ozz's recommendation - but perhaps just leave it at 'lust'? Or ‘My pain’?
Thanks heather, Its nice to get some actual thoughts. I agree that songs don't always need chorus's. all of these have places that could be a chorus, but I decided to leave them as instrumental parts.
This fall I will get some proper recordings, probably most of these will be included
"Morning comes
you eat your toast
I kneel at the toilet
Because i know you're not really there
your heart is in the air
Your heart is in the air
I watch you
take off to work
My head is filled with words
Ones I can never say
Cause my heart was too late
My heart was too late
was too late
Evening comes
knock at the door
He takes you far from here
to the club or to the bar
and I wonder where you are
I wonder where you are
and I wonder where you are
I wonder where you are"
Joined: 21 Aug 2008 United Kingdom Licks: 2 Karma: 19
No problem, I get sad inside when I don't get proper thoughts on my stuff :( Insturmental parts sound like the way to go good idea! I'm kinda drowsey atm, so my feedback won't be so good tongiht I'm afraid - but I can really feel the moods shift powerfully in that last one. The repetition at the end really made me feel the singer's tension builing up more and more going form sadness to frustration. Good stuff again!
Geez I'm on a roll! here's another one. I'll probably add another verse or two. The rest are all very solemn, this one is more lighthearted and happy
"I hold an umbrella over my head
But I still let in a little rain
So I get a little wet
So I can still get a little wet
And if I can't stop these tears from falling
at least I can clean up a little dirt
and wipe the stains from my shirt
Yeah I'll wash the stains from my shirt
And if you want some company
you know you can talk to me
My heart is clean
Yeah you know my heart is clean
We imagined golden snowflakes
falling on a lava floor
tell me what was it for?
yeah once they landed what was it for?
And if you find yourself freezing
you know my blood is warm
so you can cut me open
yeah you can cut me open if you want darling"
BBT: I think the tone of your "lighthearted" (less somber?) most recent one sounds more like you writing, and not you trying to write intense stuff, than the Judas song, which was a little heavy and sounded like you were writing about something other than what you know. Now i don't know that, of course...that's just how things sound to me. I take to heart the advice that we should write about what we know.
If you came up with a parallel for what 30 pieces of silver was worth today and didn't so explicitly say 'savior', I think it would resonate more. The 'morning comes' song has more purchase with me as it seems more real.
The darker stuff generally feels more like me, I try to always write conveying how I feel. and honestly this is the first time I think i've actually been happy for years, so I wrote a song about it.
As for Judas, it is very much "religion" themed, I'm not ashamed of that. most christians wouldn't really admit that they "sold out" their saviour, but whatever. I'm honest.
and about other one seeming more real, yeah that makes sense (although the little story told in it never really happened at all) it is a more modern kinda theme I guess
Anyway. Heres my latest creation. I know it needs work, but one of my friends really wanted to hear it so I uploaded it
That was great to hear how that worked out. I was unsure of how you were going to pull it together when reading the lyrics before...bravo. I thoroughly enjoyed that. That's a neat pattern I haven't heard the likes of before.
"I haven't seen your face
in a few odd years
Its been awhile longer
since your voice has reached my ears
Little did you know
that we've been at war
ever since your feet
walked right out my door
You're like a steady birch tree
that I tried so hard to climb
If you were a mighty oak
I could climb it blind
You're branches are too high
and I'm not very tall
The closer to the sky
the further the fall
so I'll comb this foot high grass
searching for your heart
In this field as far as I can see
I'm not sure where to start
I've been staring at the sun
all of my days
I'll probably lose my eyes
but I don't know any other way to you
I've walked a thousand miles
and I'll walk a thousand more
If you just change your mind
and let me to the core
Or just pretend to love me
and I can do the same
I know you won't feel right babe
But I won't feel any shame"
