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My FIRST ever lyrics! read :)

11 May 2009 21:03 | Quote
Joined: 29 May 2008
United States
These are probably horroble, However...Its a first try
Tell me if i could improve, anyways...

All this time, its occured to me, how dumb can some be?
You put metal in the microwave, can you even see?
Running a stop sign with a cop by you, hate for it to be true.
Its not that hard to learn and try, But some think its all too high
Well I donít care, who is there, because my brain is right by me
Stop and think before you sink, Thatís what I always think

F- a Ė I Ė l That spells fail , have it with a capital L
All these fools donít matter to me, because Iíll try to score above a C

Szilard invented the nuke, how these people use it makes me puke
You steal from me and not give back, now your trying to charge a fee
I hate to copy carlosís worlds, but you really are a Dee
Iím sure Washington is with me, his son has Screwed those like me
Now I bid you farewell, Iím off to study and not fail
11 May 2009 21:15 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
err... okay
11 May 2009 22:08 | Quote
Joined: 08 Apr 2009
United States
Karma: 2
jsut as a question is this song meant to be kinda funny ro of a different nature cause that would effect your word choices.
11 May 2009 22:53 | Quote
Joined: 26 May 2008
United States
Licks: 2
Karma: 3
Dont tell me what to do

Ill read them if I want to
13 May 2009 00:45 | Quote
Joined: 04 May 2009
United States
Karma: 1
buy a thesaurus and you dont make lyrics just what evers you have to be inspired use personofication simile metaphores heres a trick i use .......... start with a riff, record it on a phone or computer(make sure the riff is damn neer perfect) and play it over and over till the words come to you even if its almost jibberish write it down and if the theme of the song doesent come out right away keep writing and it will all fall together lie a puzzle.
13 May 2009 07:14 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
United States
Lessons: 1
Karma: 45
Actually it's not a bad start. It almost seems to be 2 different subjects but that's ok.
some hints.
1) define in your own mind what the theme of the song will be.
2) reinforce that theme with a catchy line or two in the chorus
3) open the song with a verse that will set up the theme
4) move your verses and lines around so that it "flows" and ends up with some sort of powerful final message
5) write and rewrite until you find better ways to express a thought. Move lines around and try them in different places. don't be afraid to delete lines if they are not working. Write and rewrite some more and then some more and then some more. It doesn't always come in some sort of "flash" of genius. Keep at it.

Work on this some more when you have time and post a revision. Let's see how this evolves over time as you work on it.
13 May 2009 13:46 | Quote
Joined: 21 Aug 2008
United Kingdom
Licks: 2
Karma: 19
Not a bad start. Don't leave it there :) I've actually been to check out some song writing classes (not recomending!) and I've seen many people write their first songs. Yours actually osund better then what their first drafts were. But I saw them turn all their songs into something great after writing something like this, where the song doesn't show a theme. Instead of repeating I'll just recomend you follow Phip's tips (lol, sorry I laughed there...Phip's tips sounds funny!)

Keep it up, you'll soon see for yourself just how good anyone can be. When I was starting okay my origianls were'nt brill. But I notice never get worse, take Phip's tips and expand it. I bet you'll create something great.

Be sure to repost anything else you do, I'd love to see it! (but if you do within 4 weeks max I maybe won't see them for a while so you know)
13 May 2009 13:50 | Quote
Joined: 29 Jan 2009
Licks: 2
Karma: 2
Good first lyrics:) Not the best lyrics, but i bet "Nothing Else Matter" wasen't James Hetfields first lyricsxD (If u see what i mean)

Keep on writing:)
13 May 2009 16:39 | Quote
Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Lessons: 4
Karma: 35
When I was reading that, I had a wide grin and I just cant stopped smiling. And thats not a bad thing. Very funny rhymes and good rhymes too, arrangment I just cant see what rhythm it will be, but its your song and I think you know it already. Keep on m8.

13 May 2009 18:18 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Lessons: 2
Licks: 1
Karma: 25
yeah i agree with Emp, it kinda reminds me of some Alice Cooper lyrics, like "You're something that never should have happened. You even make your Grandma sick" its just really straight forward, and kinda comical

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