some new lyrical material

Inspired to write more by the new lyrics that are popping up in here, i decided to write some myself

"I'm sorry I couldnt take away your pain
I made a promise I knew I couldnt keep,
I was filled with pity as I saw you weep.
As the Heavens Bells rang for you.
My passion sang for you.
I hold my breath,
as your yours slips away.
Surely I would give it too you
If it would make you stay.

Theres something in the air
something that tells me you are there
even if your arms are not around me,
I still feel youre soul surround me.
If only my lips could touch yours again,
the softness of your kiss.
Now as I sit by your grave,
Memories of you now are dead.
Until I see you I will always have tears to shed."

I really liked this one... Has a slow, toned down feel to it, you going to set it to metal?

I was confused w/ (memories of you now are dead)... Everything else in the song refers to you keeping this girl in your heart. Was that a typo, or are you saying that you're trying to forget her?

yeah i was probly gonna set it too a down tempo metal song

i meant that theyre just memories, not changing or being anything different, just dead. kinda hard to explain.

i liked it a lot. But i'm not sure the word pity is the feeloing you're searching for. THat would mean you almost look down on the person.

pity is when you feel sorry for someone

yes. but the way i've always learned it is that you feel sorry because they are less than you. But i'm not where you are from so if thats the way you use then it is very good for that, just a little cultural thing.

yea i can see wut ur saying. i could change it to Sympathy

nah, too long I think. For a metal pace at least. OR is it along the lines of "Sanitarium" by Metallica and heavy, yet slow too? If its slower, "Sympathy" should do well.

yeah itd probly approximately that pace. or i may make it a Snuff by Slipnot like ballad, idk yet

Say Slipknot one more time and I shall never talk to you agaiin!!! lol. I don't hate them, just dislike them with a passion.

Slipknot =)

lol. Why me? haha j/k.

bump?

I'd add on to it.

u said it was too long a few posts ago =p

Oh. Well I changed my mind.lol. Do as thou may please!

*waits for skold to call him emo*

Damn emo...

lol

BBT, I really like this. I've tried to write about losing someone through death before andit's either I get too depressed from any flash backs or I just can't get it to sound right for the storyline situation. You've done well.

I don't think personally it sounds like you're looking down on anyone. That's just because I think all the dying anddead should be pittied no matter what life they've lived or I sort of see it that the singer pitties they couldn't have stayed longer knowing they'd both enjoy the extra time in each other's presence again. You know, I'm not only saying this but as I read I could definatley hear slow metal in this song in my head. Great work on this, I love the sound to it.

It makes a nice change hearing this sort of song too, no matter what Skoldy says it unlike an emo, isn't just complaining or taling about death for the hell of it! The song is a lot more conscience then that.

thanks
i never really lost anyone to death

Glad you haven't, it's too painful for words really.

It's really well written. This was very imaginative of you.

yeah, i had a good friend disappear off the face of the planet, so she was dead to me, not physically dead though. this is about a few different ppl i guess. some literal, some metaphorical.