My first song (outline, no vid cam :( )

By: DL
Title: Hell on earth
Genre: Metal

I sit all alone, waiting for the right time. That * must die, he cannot live. Raping, killing, desecrating our lives.

[Chorus] This place is a hell on earth, turning the smoothest of men, into vile criminals. Its satans hometown, its all your worst fears rolled into one.

I fly from above, and force him down. I call to my pets, those rabid beasts. Hungry as *,Nothing is left but a red stain.

[Guitar Solo]

[Chorus]

[End with bass/synth]

Ugh, makes me shiver.

Metal and synth, huh? Interesting. Looks like the subject of this song is in deep trouble! lol.

Any suggestions are welcome. I dont usually write lyrics, but when i do they come out dark and/or twisted.
Usually about criminals and them being executed.

@Fender Bender: Yup, i cant do a song with out some kind or synth or keyboard effect.

Light whammying. Phaser Effect?

E--12-----16-------18--------------22-------19-------------------------

B----------------------------18--------------------------19-18---------------

G---------------------------------------------------------------------151515151616161617171717181818181919191920202021212121222222222323232324

D---------------------

A---------------------

E---------------------

solo?

seems short, but i don't know what kind of phrasing or tempo you would use.

I actually added more. Alot more. But my computer is broken, so im using my psp internet, which has a character limit. And i wrote another song.

When i wake up ill pull my songbook back out and update the thread.

Btw, it is kinda slow. With all my changes its a 4-5 minute song.

V1: Im sitting all alone on this rooftop, waiting for just the right time. He must be destroyed, he cannot be allowed to live. That Rapist, Murderer, hes a desecration to my society.
[Chorus] This place is hell on earth, it turns the smoothest of men into the vilest of criminals. They once called it the land of sunshine, the sun shines no more, and its all your worst fears rolled into one big sick package.
V2: I see him walk to my alley, Now is the time for attack! I fly from above, land right on his spine

I release my pets, those rabid beasts. They hunger for flesh, thex leave nothing but another red stain
[Solo]
[Chorus]
V3: This place is a little better now. That foul beast is gone. I have avenged that womans daughter, i expect nothing in return. I leave back to my rooftop. I am the police, the rest have left, they could never stand the heat...
[chorus]
V4: [Strictly instrumental]
[Outro] Bass/synth

no offense but it sounds like you got some issues righting lyrics like that...You know Metal isn't
all about death and destruction, It can have a message just like any other song. Now i'm not saying
completely change the words...just make them less harsh.

Yea, with my new guitar, and the way it sounds and how i Whammy, it sounds more alternative/rock.

I have always wondered about Metal music and the death and destruction mentality. Not all metal is like that, but a lot of it is. Why the skulls and mummy like things adorning the covers of the albums? I guess it would be weird to have music that heavy with the lyrics talking about blue skies and butterflies. Hey! That rhymes! I think I just made a new song and genre! I'll call it fuzzy metal. The music is metal, but the lyrics make you feel warm and fuzzy. Wait. Whats that? It won't work? aaawwww maaaaaan....

@DL

Seems good, Is it death metal or melodic?


@ Fender_Bender

Thank you for the idea! Fuzzy metal - That'll give them a laugh im sure!

Ill tell you when i find a vocalist. :)
If i sing it would probably be melodic though. But i dont sing too often.