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some more lyrics

Technique
BodomBeachTerror  
1 Nov 2009 17:49 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
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"One day, I was so afraid
of losing you, of losing you.
One day, I was so ashamed
of loving you, loving you.

I sent you a letter, so honest, so stupid
so completely pointless, and utterly useless.
you said you were confused and I,
said I was too
I wrote without thinking, although it had meaning
I told you the truth, and what I was feeling
you said you understood
yeah, you understood

Someday, I hope I can say to you
I'm sorry for what I did, I'm sorry for what I said
Someday, I hope I can say to you
I'm sorry for what I did, I'm sorry for what I said."


I still need another verse or two once i can think of the right words to say. and this stuff is the truth, this happened (and is happening) to me, not just some words that are strung together like i usually do. for the feel of the song? kinda like Lua or Poison Oak by Bright Eyes

EDIT: wrong section. whoops
fender_bender  
1 Nov 2009 20:24 | Quote
Joined: 09 Oct 2009
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I really like it! Very good.
fender_bender  
2 Nov 2009 11:01 | Quote
Joined: 09 Oct 2009
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I came to read them again. I really do think these are great. Kinda Anberlin-ish lyrics. Stay on these. I think you got something here. If you can make the music match the intensity of the lyrics you'll have a great song! I hope you get the other verses as these are like a good book, I want to know how it ends!
BodomBeachTerror  
2 Nov 2009 11:06 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
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yeah, i dont think i can fit everything i want to say into here without it being 10 minutes long. its basically a G,Em,Am,C progression, simple but quite powerful i think
fender_bender  
2 Nov 2009 11:18 | Quote
Joined: 09 Oct 2009
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That's the hard part about lyrics. Condensing them to say the same thing, but in less words. This reminds me of The Unwinding Cable Car by Anberlin. I don't know why, the lyrics are completely different, but thats just the first song that popped into my head. The lyrics mood is what I think did reminded me of it. Kinda sad/mellow. Give that song a listen if you want maybe you'll hear what I'm talking about. Although I've been on a big Anberlin kick lately so everything is reminding me of them. lol.
BodomBeachTerror  
2 Nov 2009 17:35 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
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yea its got a pretty sad feel to it

fender the only one who likes it? =p
sev121993  
2 Nov 2009 18:04 | Quote
Joined: 13 Oct 2009
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The words... Are you from Spain?
BodomBeachTerror  
2 Nov 2009 22:13 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
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couple more verses i wrote, not sure where im gonna put them, or if im gonna use them

"One day, I hope it will be the same
just like it never changed, like it never changed
One day, I hope it will be the same
just like it never rained, like it never rained

One day, I hope we can walk together
just like on that cold night, on that dark night
One day, I hope we can sit together
just like we used to, in the summer"
Mici  
3 Nov 2009 06:41 | Quote
Joined: way back
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Oh, man! Something like this happened to me, too (from what comes to show from the words) and if I read about three months ago when I still wasn't over it I would probably just sit here crying after I'd read this over and over again. I really, really, really, really like it. Good job!
BodomBeachTerror  
3 Nov 2009 12:06 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
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im glad it touched you mici!
Mici  
3 Nov 2009 12:23 | Quote
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Well, I'm not! Hahah! Kiddin'. :P
BodomBeachTerror  
3 Nov 2009 12:47 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
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well thats understandable

wow i totally just noticed this could be taken like, completely opposite of as i wrote it. i wrote it as i told the girl i liked that i liked her now our friendship is all screwy. but it could be taken as i was dating a girl then i told her i didnt really like her, and now its all screwy. but either way you get the same result. thats cool
Phip  
3 Nov 2009 13:32 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
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@BBT,
Don't force it.
I was thinking it might be great to wait for her answer and continue the song from there. (although you might not be in the mood depending on her response). But, imagine how cool it would be if the song finished with either kind of ending. Think about it.
Maybe a middle section (or verse) about how the waiting is the hardest part and how it's tearing you apart (that rhymes,haha)
I like what you have so far.
Phip


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