gshredder2112 |
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Joined: 03 Sep 2010 United States Licks: 3 Karma: 22
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Text for registered users only
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gs2112 |
gshredder2112 |
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Joined: 03 Sep 2010 United States Licks: 3 Karma: 22
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The bleeped word is gawd-dam |
tinyskateboard |
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Joined: 28 Apr 2010 United States Karma: 11
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Great work dude. I like the non-complicatedness of it...like Hemmingway.
I don't so much dig on the word "dwelling"; it's a little chunky.
"life and love" is a term you might want to find a replacement for, imho, as it sounds sorta over-used or cliche.
Keep it up.
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gshredder2112 |
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Joined: 03 Sep 2010 United States Licks: 3 Karma: 22
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Thanks for the feedback. Mayeb change "dwelling on" to 'living with"
or "going along with". And as for the "life and love" maybe chang to
" our inner desires" or "the one we love".Which do you like?
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gs2112 |
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