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a new start to a new song

5 Jan 2009 23:17 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
Not done yet. Suggestions please.

as the water flows by it writes her name in the foam.

As the river goes by it tells the future I don't know.

The rocks fall silent like her elegance beauty.

The gravel tells me what's ahead creditabley

As the water flows, as the grass grows, as the wind blows,
Nobuddy knows just how the nature goes
6 Jan 2009 06:09 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
United States
Lessons: 1
Karma: 45
@ Patleh,
Maybe this will help.
First decide what the actual theme is going to be for the entire song.
(is it about water, the river, nature)?
By defining the theme you can choose topics for each verse.
(first verse about rivers, second verse about the sea, third verse about lakes and ponds etc)
Doing this will help you to sort out your ideas and keep the song "on topic" and it won't seem scattered.
I like most of your lines but i'd kill the gravel line. (doesn't make sense)
Get all your thoughts down on a word or notepad document so that you can cut, paste etc and just keep working the lyrics until it all falls into place. (I sometimes add little notes to myself)

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