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My First Crack At It

25 Aug 2011 20:00 | Quote
Joined: 01 Aug 2010
Licks: 3
Karma: 4
My first shot at songwriting, so here it goes. (Not really a song, more of just a few verses i wrote)

Your cheeks turn a little red
When he's around
When he's around

You let your hair down
When he's around
When he's around

You laugh at the jokes he tells
When i don't even get them
I don't even get them

(This is probably where i wander...)

My hand you use to hold
has now gotten so cold
The warmth is his now

And your arms that use to be
so wrapped up in me
Your His Now

I use to believe you
I use to trust you
Everything i did, i did it for you

Be Brutal...
25 Aug 2011 20:52 | Quote
Joined: 28 Apr 2010
United States
Karma: 11
Reminds me of The Cure.

Simple lyrics that can mean a lot or a little depending on the music and singing.

"Use" is different than "Used".
29 Aug 2011 10:56 | Quote
Joined: 01 Aug 2010
Licks: 3
Karma: 4
29 Aug 2011 11:45 | Quote
Joined: 11 Apr 2011
United Kingdom
Lessons: 1
Karma: 12
Good simple can be good (although I'd like a lush arrangement behind this piano acoustic guitar strings etc but that's me)

and +1 to tsb everytime you used "use" you should have wrote "used".
9 Jan 2012 15:21 | Quote
Joined: 01 Jan 2012
United States
Karma: 3
thumbs up! now put the melody into it :)

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