CTown |
|
|
Joined: 14 Jul 2008 United States Licks: 1 Karma: 1
|
I appreciate any input.
Unofficial from Aurora.
No clue how we started talking that emerald night; never wanted it to end.
Told me she met all the wrong guys - hoped I’m not the same. Feared I’d fail her as well
Never heeded love at first sight… Maybe I should take another look
Second chances don’t come around so much anymore; Better days are all used up
You know it’s ok, you gotta make it your own way.
But I’m on my own and all alone… it’s 4 am what can I say
Unofficial from Aurora
In just a second my life turned upside down
I threw my dreams upon a star where no one ever can tell
Life will only pass you by
Some guy out there has got her hazel eye all to himself. And I burn inside.
But you can’t expect me to go through life wistfully. For all I know she’s just a ghost haunting me.
I always say, I always Say I won’t live with regret
But I wanna plug my ears while she blasts her favorite county song singing…
Unofficial from Aurora
Slipped away so fast, I couldn’t say goodbye
I hid my dreams upon a star where no one ever can ever find
Hold on to the memories we got
You want to stay, but your mind betrays. It Only takes a second to turn to gray.
On the fence and held at bay. Courage will crumble in Decay.
Unofficial from Aurora
Slipped away so fast, I couldn’t let go
Some will say – It’s ok to be in disarray
Life will only pass you by
|
baudelaire |
|
|
Joined: 16 Aug 2008 Brazil Karma: 2
|
what are you doing? just writing whatever comes to mind? are you considering... rhythm, rhyme, alliteration, themes, motives? some basic elements of a good song, you know. |
CTown |
|
|
Joined: 14 Jul 2008 United States Licks: 1 Karma: 1
|
Yeah, basically. I take a theme and expand upon it. William Shakespeare, I am not. I'm not about to start writing in Iambic Pentameter. But the theme of this song is "the girl I let go" the rhythm goes: verse, verse, bridge, chorus, verse, bridge, chorus, bridge2, chorus. I end rhyme, sparsely, but it's there. Not a fan of alliteration, or for that matter consonance or assonance.
I do sometimes put complete crap in there for the sole purpose of maintaining the balance that I've set. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. |
Doz |
|
|
Joined: way back United Kingdom Karma: 10
|
I think it's very good, even if it hasn't got perfect rhythm or rhyme. However, if you did a little work to make it a bit more controlled then it could be even better.
Not as much for your other lyrics you posted... but I like this. Brilliant song title, and the first verse is my favourite. |
baudelaire |
|
|
Joined: 16 Aug 2008 Brazil Karma: 2
|
read this through
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_basic_poetry_topics#Methods_of_creating_rhythm
and it should give you some tools to work with. it's a good place to start studying versification. look up Poe treatise on verse, as well, once you have a grasp on the subject. |
|
|