Some new lyrics (9/12/2008)

"You're running around in your circle, losing your very sight.
If you looked at yourself any closer, you'd see man without his

life.
I've got strength in the father. My mother? She's alright.
I'm not saying I'm perfect. But, at least I can sleep at night.


I know I'm a grungy man.
But, it's all dandy and swell.
I don't have smoothest hands.
But, it's ok. I say, "Oh well".


I say,
La la la-la, la-la la la.
La la la-la, la la la la."


Verse: G, A7, C
Chorus: D7/D, G, C, A7

---------------

They aren't finished, but whatever.

I wrote it as a just a fun little up-beat song.

Not bad at all.

The dandy and swell part I'm not too sure about, but everything else is pretty good so far.

Keep it up :D

@Skold,
I don't know, but it seems kind of "choppy" rhythm wise.
these lines.....

"I know I'm a grungy man.
But, it's all dandy and swell.
I don't have smoothest hands.
But, it's ok. I say, "Oh well".

They could prob be redone.

I can't put a beat to this song. I'm thinking maybe it needs some serious work. Not up to the quality of your latest stuff.
Sorry buddy I don't want to be a downer.
Still a fan,
Phip

Update

--------------------

You're running around in your circle, losing your very sight.
If you looked at yourself any closer, you'd see man without his life.
I've got strength in the father. My mother? Well, She's alright.
I'm not saying I'm perfect. But, I can sleep at night.


I know I'm a grungy man.
It's never dandy and swell.
I don't have smoothest hands.
But, it's ok. I say, "very well".

I say,
La la la-la, la-la la la.
La la la-la, la la la la.


I think you are tired of living life that way.
You can trust in the provider to keep you day by day.
It's never ever easy to give your life away.
But if we're gonna be talking easy, what is, anyway?



I know I'm a grungy man.
It's never dandy and swell.
I don't have smoothest hands.
But, it's ok. I say, "very well".

I say,
La la la-la, la-la la la.
La la la-la, la la la la.

--------------------

I thought this part was cool and well put together.


I'm not a fan of "dandy" and "swell"... I hear the rhyme scheme there and the meaning behind the lyrics work well. I just think those words are somewhat antiquated and sound awkward. You can probably get by with minor tweaks, rather than a complete rewrite. IDK, food for thought.

Well, I usually can only pull off slower sad songs other then 'Wasted whisky' :D so I'm used to writing them for performance really. But seeming as I write depressing songs about hartbrake, it makes me like yours, epeicially:


'I think you are tired of living life that way.
You can trust in the provider to keep you day by day.
It's never ever easy to give your life away.
But if we're gonna be talking easy, what is, anyway?'

That's definately my favourate part, apert from I think never andever being right next to each other it rymes too much for my personal taste. On paper though I'm not sure myself if I like swell, but I think if it was performed and you knew how to use the tones right you could make people like it, you definately won't know that unless you here your self sing it which I'm sure you must have done.

bump